A Yes Is Also A No.

Nov 11, 2023

Burnout Sucks…

Being burned out sucks. The world becomes gray. You are in survival mode. Sort of like the beginning of my family’s favorite movie, The Secret Life Of Walter Mitty. Walter’s life, at the beginning of the movie is gray. dull. No color. And through my own experiences, that is an accurate portrayal of burnout.

Rewind to 2008-2010…

While the world was having a financial crisis, I was having a personal crisis. I couldn’t see it then as clearly as I do now, because it was a slow fade. I didn’t just wake up one morning fully torched. It was a slow burn to get there. And it hurt. And I had all the symptoms.

It destroyed me… almost…

Heart palpitations. Chest pain. Strong headaches that would come out of nowhere at the first sign of adversity or stress (which was literally everywhere I turned). Panic attacks. Oh the panic attacks. Brutal. And the feeling that there was no way out.

I endured…

Looking back, I have no idea how or why, apart from the grace of God. But I learned very little from this season. So burnout came back. And then it came back again. I am a slow learner. Anyone else want to quietly raise their hand on that one? Each season brought greater physical symptoms. The walls were closing in. Panic attacks were getting stronger.

As I look back now…

I realize that there was a commonality to all three seasons of burnout. I was over-committed AND I was not taking care of myself. Sure I was in amazing physical shape. But I wasn’t resting. I wasn’t refueling. I just kept pushing, thinking that breakthrough was just on the other side of the next achievement. The next finish line. The next mountain top.

But it wasn’t…

And I was stuck. But here is what I realized. We are finite beings with finite capacity. The answer is not to just keep pushing hoping for a breakthrough. The solution is in evaluation of our commitments and in our refueling. Because the reality is that every yes that we say is a no to something else.

It really can be that simple…

You get an ask to be on a committee. They meet Thursday nights. You attend the meetings. That is your Thursday night. You are, in effect, saying no to the other possibilities on Thursday nights. You get pulled in to social media and get lost in a rabbit hole for two hours. In effect, you have just said no to anyone else around you or to anything else during those two hours. And maybe you said yes to three or four boards or committees (my current very temporary situation), and all of a sudden you look at the calendar and wonder when you will have free time.

Don’t misunderstand me…

I am not saying that commitments are bad. Not at all. But we need to evaluate our commitments for which ones are our best yes. If you are not saying your best yes, do you need to say no? We get one chance at life. And too many commitments can lead to burnout. Commitments that are external like coaching a team, being on a board, volunteering, or meetings. Or they can be internal such as too much time on our devices, binging streaming services, exercise, or busyness for the sake of busyness.

This is a two-part equation…

Part of the equation is commitment. The other part is refueling, which we will dive into next week. But here’s the thing- I truly think that we all struggle with burnout at times. The first key is to be honest with ourselves. And then to take action. One of those actions is evaluating our commitments to see which ones are our best yes. And if you need some help, definitely reach out here. I would love to have a conversation. And finally, if a discussion about burnout, mindset, and moving boldly forward would benefit your organization, please reach out and let’s schedule a time to discuss.