Who likes getting called out?
Raise your hands high for those in the back. I’ll wait. Anyone? Bueller? Couldn’t resist that reference. Anyone? Right. No one. I don’t either. I don’t like being called out. It is uncomfortable. It feels like the spotlight is directly on you. Bottom line- it is not my favorite thing. So obviously we try to avoid the things that make us uncomfortable. But what about when it is true?
I deserved to get called out…
I talk to my coaching clients and groups about being a little bit selfish so that we can be selfless. It is a really slid concept that I learned a few years ago from a couple of fabulous humans who have used it in their lives to level up. Significantly level up. So I tell people that it is important to be a little selfish (as in take care of yourself first) so that you can be selfless (have something in the tank to give to someone else). The problem becomes when you become a little too selfish.
I didn’t like it…
When I was told I was being selfish it stung. I had someone come to me recently with something they needed to get off their chest. This person had been carrying this burden with them for the last two months and it had become an anchor for them. Tying them down. Bottom line they were thinking about this conversation often. Think multiple times a day. It was all encompassing. It was what they were thinking about.
So they finally got up the courage to talk to me.
Apparently I can be kind of intimidating. I don’t think so, but in this case I was. Because it was a life trajectory discussion. And it happened at lunch- it always happens at lunch or right before I am about to start my day. A head peaks into my office and says we need to talk. I HATE those words. Strong disdain. But it is part of life. And there will be more of these conversations along life’s journey.
They dropped the news…
I was shocked by what I heard. The truth is that I shouldn’t have been, but I was. I knew it would be coming sometime, but I got caught off guard. And I went right into self-protect mode. Because I was scared. Scared about the future. Scared about how this would affect me, my family, and my business. And how it was going to make my world different. So I asked for a compromise. I asked for a meet in the middle arrangement.
That was NOT the correct answer…
Things got tense. For a few weeks. I had hoped it would just be something that blows over because I was also juggling a hundred other things. But when something festers for two months, it isn’t going anywhere soon. So we had a conversation and I got called out. I got called out for asking for a compromise. For asking something that was very selfish in this person’s eyes. So the compromise, which I really thought I needed and what I thought was fair, was off the table.
Fortunately….
The relationship was restored and we have moved on in a direction that I wouldn’t have chosen but one that God, in his infinite wisdom, is making right. And in the things that happen in this life, I try to ask myself one question after it is over or even while I am still in the thick of it…
What can I learn from this?
Lots of things for sure. But here are the big ones.
- We have to take care of ourselves- always put your own oxygen mask on first. Then help others
- People let you in on a glimpse of their lives. Always remember there is a rest of the story that you aren’t seeing.
- Listen. Listen.. One more timeListen. Why do I say it three times? It is that important. Strive for listening twice as much as you talk.
- Ponder your reactions- are they only self-serving or are you considering others?
- Walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. Everyone is going through something. Sometimes LOTS of somethings
I got called out…
And it was uncomfortable and hard. But I learned some powerful lessons along the way. And I hope you do as well. If you want to learn more about self-care and how to create routines in your life where you have something left in the tank, hit me up. Let’s have a conversation and see if we can move you forward! I would love to be your ally on the journey!
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