I have failed…

More times than I care to count.  I have failed as a father, as husband, as business owner, as dentist, as a writer, as a speaker, as a triathlete, as a friend, and countless other ways.  You would think I would be comfortable with failure with that track record.  If I am being honest, I still struggle with it.

Statistics tell me…

I am not alone. Check out these statistics on fear of failure.  And this part blew me away- the latest available data reveals that fear of failure, or atychiphobia, ranks higher than spiders and public speaking (tied at 30% each), flying (20%), ghosts (15%), as well as being home alone and changing daily habits (tied at 9% each). Atychiphobia- just the name inspires fear that I won’t be able to pronounce it the right way.

But that is what fear of failure does…

It paralyzes us.  It causes us to hedge our bets or play small because we don’t want to be seen as a failure.  We don’t want others to know that we failed.  But the reality is that we miss 100% of the shots that we don’t take.  Even the best of the best of the best in each sport missed.  Even Caitlin Clark misses shots.  Of course she makes some mind-bending shots from places bvery few can shoot, but the point is that she misses the mark.  But it does not deter her from shooting.

So what do we do with this fear of failure?

We have a choice.  We can take that fear of failure and play small.  Our choice to play small can cause us to not take risks, to not try new things, and to miss out on amazing opportunities.  Fear of failure has caused me, in the past, to limit myself greatly.  But lately, I have been looking back in retrospect.  And what I have found has been overwhelming.

When I look back at failures…

And other things in my life that have not gone how I would have hoped they would, I have thought back on my emotions around those events.  The time I wasn’t able to sell my dental practice and walk away.  The time my first associate decided to step away from dentistry.  Rejections from proposals that I had sent out.  Denials of opportunities that I was perfectly qualified for.  Cases that haven’t turned out the way they should have because of decisions I have made.

And I see two common threads…

First- there was always a lesson to learn.  Always.  Every failure provides a lesson if we are wiling to stop feeling sorry for ourselves and try to learn it.  Each of those failures and rejections has provided a lesson.  Sometimes many lessons!  Second- God’s faithfulness.  Every single time.  When a failure, rejection, or setback has happened, the temptation has been to be angry and to feel sorry for myself, which I have done plenty of. But when the dust settles, sometimes even years later, I can see the hand of God.  He wanted something different than I did.  He had another plan.  And that realization has been powerful for me.

So if we always fear failure…

We will live small lives.  We will miss out on much that God has for us. There is a possibility that we will miss out on some of the biggest blessings in our lives.  Had I not tried to walk away and failed, I wouldn’t be where I am today.  So the next time you are worried about failing, ask yourself instead what might I learn from this experiment, even if it doesn’t go exactly how I planned? And then do your best to Trust The Story that God is writing in your life.

Failure can be scary…

But without it we might miss out on some of God’s greatest blessings.  If you are struggling with the fear of failure and living life small, let’s have a conversation.  I get it.  I have been there.  There is hope!