How was your day?

The start to most conversations as I walk in the door at the end of a workday.  And, until recently, the answer was similar.  More times than not, the answer was negative.  This happened today.  I wasn’t able to do this today.  I didn’t get much time for lunch today.  My schedule was chaotic.  My poor wife.  The fabulous Amy Recker likely had to brace herself as she asked that question.  And then she had to deal with the fallout of that question and try to prop me back up.

Does that resonate with anyone?

Is this a similar situation that plays out in your home at the end of the day?  At some point, does it get easier to just not ask? It is important that we process the events of our day with someone, but it is tough when the conversation starts off negatively.

I had a powerful realization…

A day was too much.  I had become comfortable with reducing my day to the least common denominator.  I was quick to share a loss from the day.  It was rare that I shared a win.  Maybe later in the night as we talked and shared life, but overall I was negative.  This is something I need to be always aware of.  My default is negative.  It has been for most of my life.  People often ask me why I am so optimistic.  Why I always say that good days are ahead.

The truth is…

I have to consciously work at it.  My mind easily goes to the negative.  And the more time I spend on social media and the news, the more it feels like downhill sledding to go negative. And it turns out I am not alone.  There is actually been research on negativity bias. And you aren’t alone! So I needed to do something.  I needed to see the world and my day from a different lens.

So how did I do that?

I started seeking wins.  I realized that a day was way too much for me as I would often have as many as 40 conversations in a day.  If I tried, I could always find something negative.  But what if I became a win-seeker instead?  I looked for ways to win in my conversations.  I looked for wins in my interactions with others.  Wins in the procedures I did.  Wins in the proposals that I sent to clients and the meetings we had to discuss their needs.

It became a game…

Finding wins in the present moment became huge for me.  Because I also realized this truth- that I was largely absent from the present moment.  When I was focused on the negative thing that happened to me, I was not present in the moment right in front of me.  I was in a different place mentally and bodily. And it robbed me of the only thing that is truly guaranteed- and that is the present moment right in front of us.

I started finding so many wins…

It was a completely new mindset.  I still took losses.  We all do.  But instead of dwelling on those losses, I would write them down or make a quick note in an app in my phone or send myself an email.  Later, when I had a moment, I would look back on the losses and ask one question- what can I learn from that moment.  And, as soon as I realized what I could learn, the loss became a win.

So if you struggle with negativity…

Start seeking out wins.  Bring yourself back to the present moment.  And seek wins.  Wins for you.  And wins for others.  What if your wins are also wins for others?  Find as many win-wins as you can.  It will make all the difference! And sooner or later you will find yourself sharing wins instead of losses!

Living in negativity is an epidemic…

If you or your organization could use some help trying to grab some wins, reach out.  I would love to have a conversation to see if we could partner together to #WINtheNOW.